11 Ways to Turn That Turkey Table Talk in Your Favor

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Yes, it’s one of the most wonderful times of year. Next week, you’ll be gathered around the dining room table with family and friends. Stuffing. Football. And pumpkin pie! And, just when your mother places that turkey platter in the middle of the table, it will happen: Your uncle will ask that question you’ve artfully dodged all year:

“Who are you dating now. Why don’t you invite them over for dessert?”

“When are you two going to give us a grandchild?”

“So, when are you going to get a job and move out of the basement?”

Don’t worry. You won’t have to fumble for an answer, because we’ve got you covered. Whether your celebrating here, there, or somewhere in Bel Air, we’ve prepared 10 guaranteed conversation segues for you, so that you can change the subject smoothly and quickly. And there’s an extra bonus: Your family will be so wowed by your hometown knowledge that they’ll forget their original question.

So, before you head off to your relative’s house to load up on the turkey, load up on some of these guaranteed conversation changers.

  1. How about that Derek Jeter? Twenty-seven years ago he was taking infield for Kalamazoo Central High School and now he’s on the Hall of Fame ballot. Batter up!
  2. Has anyone heard that new Post Malone song featuring Ozzy Osbourne? Hey, did you know that Ozzy supposedly proposed to Sharon while they were in Kalamazoo way back in 1981?
  3. Wow, my phone’s dying. Did anyone bring their mophie charger with them? Those chargers are awesome. They really get a phone’s power back up. Hey, did you know mophie has a location right here in Kalamazoo?
  4. Does anyone else need to leave early to start their Christmas shopping? I thought I might hit up the Kalamazoo Mall Did you know it was the nation’s first outdoor pedestrian mall? I bet we all could use a walk after dinner.
  5. I’m suddenly thirsty. I could go for a beer. Do you have anything other than Miller Lite? How about something from Bell’s? It’s one of the largest craft breweries in the U.S. and it’s right here in Kalamazoo. Does anyone know how many days until Oberon Day?
  6. Can you pass the mashed potatoes? Speaking of potatoes, did you know Walther Farms in Three Rivers grows potatoes that become Lay’s potato chips? Couple that with Kellogg’s making Pringles, and we are virtually sitting on the potato chip capital of the world. Party on!
  7. Has anyone heard about Graphic Packaging’s $600 million investment coming to Kalamazoo? I heard that one of the reasons it selected our location is because of Western Michigan University’s paper engineering program, only one of 10 programs like it in the country. I didn’t know you could go to college to learn how to make paper. I thought trees made paper. People make paper?
  8. Where do all of those giraffes at Binder Park Zoo go in the winter? Hey, do you think Santa takes them up to the North Pole to vacation with Donner and Blitzen and then brings them back here in the spring? What sound does a giraffe make anyway?
  9. Did you hear that the New York Times has been stalking Kalamazoo? In it’s feature on how Thanksgiving dishes use bunches of celery, it dug into the root’s roots in Kalamazoo. Wow, taste that celery in the stuffing. So crunchy!
  10. I’ve eaten so much I have to loosen my belt. Thank goodness we don’t wear corsets anymore. Did you know that the Kalamazoo Corset Company was once the largest manufacturer of women’s corsets in the world?
  11. I think someone just saw Elvis in Kalamazoo yesterday. Or, maybe it was Greg Jennings

Gobble. Gobble.

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